Client: Orlando area theme-park attraction

Assignment:Interview engineers about the entrance experience at a newly conceived ride in order to describe the attraction in advertising

BEFORE:

Us: "So what do you guys have planned as a contact experience?"

Tech 1: "We're gonna put a half-dozen PowerAcoustik-10W ten-inch 1600 watt subwoofers behind this fake wall of gigantic sawed logs."

Tech 2: "Yeah, these babies crank out 600 watts RMS. It'll feel like the mill machinery is shakin' the ground!"

Us: "What, exactly, will these...ah...speakers...be cranking out?"

Tech 3: "Well...it was kinda my idea that the ride look and sound like an old-time, 19th century sawmill. So I figured we'd hear a lot of clanking, squeaking and sawing. Then we starting brainstorming the look, and Bob said, 'Why don't we do an optical illusion with logs, a forced-perspective thing like they do with the building facades on the back lot?'

Tech 2: "Then Weezer said, 'Yeah, but let's make it look REALLY tall, so people feel a little dizzy standing next to it!'

Tech 1: "Then Eddie, who's got a couple of kids says, 'What if we make it a climbing wall? The kids'll love it, and it'll be fun watching the parents freak out!"

AFTER:

The din of Victorian machinery wafts up from the Sawmill...an overpowering symphony of sawing, squeaking and clanking. Intrigued, you venture closer to the gaping doorway, eager to discover the source of the cacophony, but before you go inside, an enormous pyramid of stacked logs captures your attention. A colossal pile of raw lumber looms before you, each log four feet in diameter, stretching up three stories tall. It seems impossibly imposing, until you realize that small children are crawling on it! Sure, the little tykes are wearing climbing harnesses, but just looking up at the summit of this hulking wall of wood gives you a nosebleed!

Notice how our version speaks directly to the reader. This establishes a far more personal connection.

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